Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
