my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
