i think i have two assholes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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