the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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