How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
