Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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