I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
