Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
