i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize