goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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