I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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