why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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