I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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