Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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