I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine