The maid of honor just puked.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.