Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.