yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is