He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.