I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.