we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
