i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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