Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
