is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
