I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
