hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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