so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
