Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
