Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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