my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
