I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I want to have your abortion
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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