I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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