I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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