I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize