are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
