somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
