I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
