did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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