New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
