my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
