i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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