I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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