How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
