sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
