"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize