____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
