oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you never un-have a 4some
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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