I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
