he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
