Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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