i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
