we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
