You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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