What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
