i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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