so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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