So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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