I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
