the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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