Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
