Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
