she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
