She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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