College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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