not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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