Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
