I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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