WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
