she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
