I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
